I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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