paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
