it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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