I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
