I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
