If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Damn victory sex feels great
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
