so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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