I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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