More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
