we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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