I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
