Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
