His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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