Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
