What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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