I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would fuck him just for his dog
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
