Barsexuality is the new black.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
