So drunk its hurt
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
