Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
