You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
