i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
