But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
