I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
