peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
