I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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