If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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