I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
