I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
