I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
either way he was missing a nipple.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
