Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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