He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
