at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
