Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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