i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
