somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
