Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
