I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
