her vagine was all disorganized.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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