I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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