Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
