It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
