Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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