Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The power of my boobs compel you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
