I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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