i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
