so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
