I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My balls are so social today.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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