Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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