dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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