I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
