My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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