I'm eating all of the evidence.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
